your envy is my honour; 72-coloured rainbow.

no more.

2009-04-18T02:08:00.002+08:00

no more.

still nursing this damned pinch.

three weeks since. i think.

and jakarta did not help.

april.

2009-03-10T01:17:00.004+08:00

it was nothing big.
but it made me extremely happy.
i am waiting for april.
or whenever.
still.

vacation over.

2009-02-07T13:49:00.009+08:00

vacation is over and i am back.

and all de while, i kept missing ming lao ban.

suddenly, i want to meet love.

and mystery is far from sight.
shit.

shit. bye.

2009-01-25T20:24:00.004+08:00

i have a new secret. shit. sixdamnhoursofwhatihaveyearnedfor. finally. shit. shit. shit. i am so sorry. number one still. i swear.
nothing broken, nothing smeared.

okay people! talk to you from paradise!

gotta pack. that shortfart is making noise already.

i so wish mario could come. i somehow miss him so damn much since yesterday. urgh.
*get your ass here quick, damn it!!!*

laters.

traders

2009-01-24T11:48:00.000+08:00

everyone at traders can just go fuck themselves.

goodbye.

stunned.

2008-12-30T00:29:00.006+08:00

i am literally stunned at de coincidence.
de much reference it has with de present; archived entries from november 2006.

27112006, 1552hrs.
our coffee is getting cold.
where do you want to go..?
my convictions have run out.
i am waiting for yours.
your smiles become faint.
tell me what is wrong.
i dont wanna sit here, watching and think all is okay.

de train is approaching.
where do you want to go..?
a funfair of joyrides or fiddlydee will do?
i dont wish to simper. anymore.
i dont wanna sit here, watching and think all is okay.

you sink into clouds.
you inflame a Camel.
you watch me watch.
you beam de world and blew your trumpet.
mystery, i wish it was.

hey mystery. [number one.]
i recumbent on my private shoal,
a shoal luxuriant of de serenity i long desire,
deeply i am pensive of de much less mediocrity i succumb to,
my breathing screws its rhythm each time de peak gets too much to handle,
my heart weakens each time de leaves begin to wither,
my body loses its strength each time de carpet bums out its will to fly,
my hands shake each time de tree of us loses its vitality.
05, 11, 13, 19, 29, numbers run and mount.
but what de hell for?
tuesday, wednesday, friday, sunday, monday, days past and age.
but what de hell for?
finish panting and let all flow.
no run, no exhausts.
no past, no desolations.
for all bloom have faded.
for all glow have faded.
for all joy have faded.
my breathing captures its rhythm each time de peak gets too good to miss,
my heart invigorates each time de leaves begin to grow,
my body gains its pow each time de carpet loads up its will to fly,
my hands steady each time de tree of us rejuvenates.
i end my recumbence on my private shoal,
a shoal luxuriant of de serenity i long desire,
deeply i am pensive of de much less mediocrity i had succumbed to.
but from up here, its all gleetzly with glitter.
hey mystery, turn up de heat and we shall have another ride.
:)
Sunday, August 20, 2006 at 19:24

: from friendster blog entry.

my gut feeling was right- these are just too familiar. got my answers now.
God, help me!!!

hah.

hate miss.

2008-12-24T02:09:00.004+08:00

i hate to say this. but FUCKIN HELL!!!!!

i miss you, ming lao ban!!!

much.

2008-12-24T01:56:00.003+08:00

i think too much. waaay too much. let them pass. will not think.
it will pass, it will pass, it will pass.
you are right. urgh.

back.

2008-12-23T02:37:00.003+08:00

am back. boring.

updates when i have time, okay. but most shots are on fbook. go see.

ooohh, kakak travelled on business on way back. heh. thank you, lao ban.

today.

2008-12-12T12:20:00.007+08:00

today.

am waiting for de landlord to come see de house. God, zephyr is reminding me i sound like a housewife now. i got a text from mario saying that de landlord is coming at noon and to keep some of his things. i wonder why!!! i have been seeing chinese people in de house every fuckin day!!!!

okay, while waiting, show you some shit;

my daily dose- wanda and new fav fags[ the scarlet camellia -like real only de name ah? ] 4.10rmb. hard reds. am so not gonna have a voice when i come back.

these are de people who watch us doing it every night, every other time not in bed or anywhere else, that is. de distance is pretty close than in shot. and de full length glass window, is always curtain-drew.

so this is de view of de back of our tower.

and this is de front, looking down, besides de fantastic river and sky scrapers and lights.

i wanna go out today to get shoes to club in tonight. we going to bar rouge. everyone has been telling me about it. and that i have to check it out. will update you on monday[cos we'll be out and about this weekend], latest.

okay. it is 1255hrs now and de landlord is not here. i wanna shower and get out laaaa!!! gua bingit.

tuesday to thursday.

2008-12-12T11:26:00.007+08:00

tuesday.

cant remember what i did on tuesday but i know de engineer came to look at de bath tub. his jacuzzi feature didnt work and peter came to fix de wireless. he took one and a half damn hour, okay. gua mengamok.

oh, went out in de evening to de supermarket to get some things for de kitchen and stuff to make pasta. penat, okayyy.

wednesday.

three other engineers came to finally fix de bath.

and i am always in this state, talking to friends via video call on msn or skype. boring. i was too lazy to get out.

met him at pudian lu, a block from his office building to have dinner.
didnt know we were going to hyatt. it was damn nice, okay... and i was dressed like a ballerina. fuck.

my old man suffers from vertigo and we managed to get a window sit- with much persuasion. it was only de 55th floor- half de building. but sky scrapers were at eye level.

yeayea...

smile, fuck! fuckin fake.

thursday.

well, when they fixed de bath on wednesday, i thought they jammed de drainage and i couldnt shower cos de bath tub was half filled with BLUE WATER. so.......... i got them to come again.
and, de drainage wasnt stuck, i found out. i pulled when i should push it down to get it lifted. how stupid. memalukan.

and PETERRRR. peter ju came and fixed de safe deposit box. fuck. i hate de guy. he spits all over de house. urgh.
thank God we dont have to call him for anything now. shit.

de person i talk to on video most is farid. and he always insist to see my gorgeous face. so yea. i cut my bangs and ironed my hair while at it last night. this was what he saw throughout de whole conversation:

mister gabbi came home and we went out for dinner. ha HAAAD to pick chinese again, you know. urgh.

it was crap.

this ass keeps on saying he's gonna go to johore and go to a gangster and say 'bessamebutoh' and then run. hhahahhaha. it's supposed to be 'besar punya butoh', by de way. i tell you, this man is crazy and i am gonna be crazy by end week.

de crap talk, de pushing, de 'fucks', de chinese speaking, de screaming and laughing in de middle of de crazy road. i will be lucky if i just turned crazy and not die in china.

and he kept on singing some robbie williams song about dying before going old. i wonder what de fuck de song is. fuckin annoying shithead who cant even say 'cockroach' right. CROACH. ROACHCOCK. whatever.

if you can see, we finally got a cockroach killer[picture below in his hand] for de house. but guess what happened in de house after.
he screamed when he saw it first thing when he switched on de bathroom light.
and this smartie had to kill it with his shoe.

he's afraid we are gonna die if we spray de killing thing in de house while we are in. what crap.
i should have just did what i told him i would- spray it in his room while he sleeps and shut de door and i go on de internet or watch a dvd in de hallway while he dies in de room.

look at my crap hair. he wants de bangs. fuck.

monday.

2008-12-12T10:50:00.006+08:00

monday.

so, de girl i met in de toilet on saturday- her name's ECHO.
made a date with her to go get turtles for mario. he wanted it, okay, not me. cos he cant keep a cat or dog due to his work schedule; in and out of shanghai, mostly not at home. so yea. i knew he was gonna get a little pissed and jealous that I, between us, could get my ass to a bloody pet market and get bloody turtles.

look at this kepo face:

so finally, a good one.

meet wo de peng you, ECHO. hahahhahaha. sweeeeet.

so my search for de turtles, done. echo left to teach yoga and i was exploring nanjing road.
saw this tea shop andremembered that we needed a pot to brew tea and nice cups for it.
i spent a bloody hour in de shop, okay. maybe more. and de owners liked me so much, they insisted i had tea with them. but of course, still hoping i'd buy de rose tea instead of de green.
didnt work, sorry guys.

got home, got his turtles ready and fried chicken till he returned from work. da macam bini orang.

for half an hour, he talked about and to his turtles, with his coat on.

he removed it, and placed de italians, de malays and de chinese in twos periodically on de floor[in his work outfit and shoes still] and talked and talked and talked. of course, ignoring me at it.
for TWO DAMN HOURS, okay. naming inclusive.

so he was a damn happy man after a fucked shit day at work.

sunday.

2008-12-12T10:05:00.004+08:00

sunday.

we were supposed to go to the zoo but i got ready a little late and we went to TF COFFEE just a few blocks away from home. yeayea. we still needed de guidebook but he has one in italian. so, he had to do de navigation.

de soup i got was clear and i didnt know i had an animal's intestines in it till i forced him to drink it. fuck. i took ONE SIP only, okay!!!

then we took de taxi to de faked market. there was nothing that fancied me so we just went to de tailor's to check on his shirts. being italian, he got so mad about his shirts not being right. i mean, it was de third time he was there to amend de measurements. i would be too. but yea, for de half an hour after, i had to just shut my hole and enjoy his fucked up face.

got into de subway and made an attempt to get to a pet market. hahahhahha. i had a BLOW from a chinese girl- she was sitting next to me in de train so i asked where de pet market was. OMG her breath was so hot and stank like a dead rat!!!! it shocked me that instant that immediately i yelled out loud at him 'SHE STINKS!!!!' hahhahaha. and of course, de girl didnt think anything was wrong and just kept on talking. i had to just raise my hand in her face and said ' bu yong, buyong.' hahhahaha. wtf.

de fuckin fake smile. after touring in dunno-where and ending up in ikea; where I GOT FUCKIN PISSED with de cashier.

dropped off our shopping bags and walked back down de street for a fuckin chilli oil dinner. fuckin hell, our food were filled with OIL!!!

end of sunday.

here.

2008-12-08T09:47:00.011+08:00

and so i am finally here.
been two days and lovin it. hahahhaha. yea, fuck. lovin it. de subzero atmosphere is de only shit i am not liking. gila babi la sial. considering i never have my air condition or fan on while i sleep. even have de window open for 5cm! and now this. urgh. i have more days to spend here. i wonder what is gonna happen. things are not as cheap here, you know. and de interesting stuff are in de back alleys. i wanna go back there. maybe tomorrow.

de bund tunnel was so crap, okay!!!

i can smoke anywhere now- de restaurants, in de cabs, in de coffee places.

and look- there was this toilet in dunno-where that had FUCKIN TIMERS ON DE CUBICLE DOORS. wtf?! what is gonna happen if i stay longer in there?? de alarm will go off?? hahahhaha. crap shit.

today i have a lunch date with my tony and a date with 'Echo', this chinese girl i met in de toilet of a mall on saturday. hahahhaha. gonna meet her at people's square. i hope i can navigate my way there this time w/out mario.

and i have to meet him at pudian lu[pudian rd]!!!! THAT, is de bigger challenge. de gantry looks like de ones in singapore. heard that de ones who helped start these here were singaporeans anyway. can go on skates also, okaaay. hahahah. i gotta find de nearest train station and be at pudian rd station by 1220hrs. dont have much time now. be right back when i am done with my mission with Echo. hahahhahahha. ECHO. laters.

2008-12-05T14:39:00.002+08:00

still in bed.
not showered yet.
i have to go to de bank to get a new card, change some cash, get thermal pants, get bigger luggage[maybe], most importantly, MC!!!!!! fuck, i am screwed. no time leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeii.

nad and de boys are gonna see me off. meeting deena for coffee later, about 7-ish.

got time meh liddat....???

urgh. nak mandi niiiii!!!!!

bye people!!! talk to you later at de airport.

*9hours17minutes.*

...

2008-12-02T01:02:00.007+08:00

as of now, i have 3 nights, 22hours and 57minutes till i get to see my tony.

and during this period in subject, minus 15hours[till he arrives] and minus 5hours[after he leaves for home in istanbul], yours truly will have a fuckinrockintime.

we have waited for this for what- 2/3 months????? thank you for de effort made to finally get a flight here. for de longest slot, too! good thing de time is perfect. TK leaves at 10ish, 11. GA leaves at 3hours later.

no, orhan honey, not a nice surprise. this came as a fuckin awesome shock!
happy? i am fuckin thrilled! this is gonna be fffunn.

after aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall these, i will zip up, leave for de agonizing-wait trip. and then see that cheeky man waiting for his camel fags at de arrival hall.

suddenly, everything made me a fuckin happy girl.

am not gonna have time to spend with deena and liyana as planned. orhan came into de picture on a last minute note. our promise was made months back. cant and wont go back on it. and my shifts haaad to be sucky.

5hours on msn and skype last night, confirming plans, had/have me fuckin shagged. after 2bloodyweeks of superlatenights/earlymornings. i need a good rest to have me all set for mister temur's hosted days/nights in SIN.

;)

i dont know if i will have time to post pictures of us from wednesday-friday. maybe not until i find internet access in PVG.

but for sure, a promise of shots from later tonight. heeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeee.

*da gatal ni!!!*

15hrs.

2008-12-02T00:48:00.003+08:00

fifteen damn hours........
mister temur, you have my adrenaline rush kicked.

orhan.

2008-12-01T03:16:00.009+08:00

ORHAN IS COMING ON TUESDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

shit.

a week.

2008-11-29T01:14:00.002+08:00

can not believe it. in exactly a week, at this time, will be in de departure gate, waiting to board de aircraft. fuck.

playforwardpauserewind.

2008-11-27T04:41:00.008+08:00

i dont know how you did it.
you have me at rewind.
funny- more than 200fantasticdays have gone by.

my bad, i am constantly at pause after play.
at times, forward.

hit rewind.
and so forth.

but i swear to God- de heart is not at a yearn. for i have been and met better. far waaay better.

just thoughts and that-is-just-it. i hope you are doing well, hardee.

eight.

2008-11-27T04:06:00.006+08:00

i have eight more these-sorta nights. basket. i can not fuckin sleep cos there are soo many things i need to do/get before i go and soo many info i need to prepare myself with. gua naik bingit ni macam.

urgh.

above all,
GUA EXCITED, SIALLL!

ticktockticktock. naik boring. hmph.

nine.

2008-11-26T08:33:00.004+08:00

literally it means, i have only EIGHT BLOODY NIGHTS LEFT!

eleven.

2008-11-24T01:45:00.003+08:00

eleven nights. am just waiting for a single figure to excite me more.
intruder is affecting decision-making.
one more off day and i hope time flies faster after.
it was good- past two days. maybe because intruder kept me busy.

ease or comfort.
no chance to decide.
de grass is dying.
de earth is flourishing.
shit.

i want de grass, dammit!!!

fuckcrap.

2008-11-22T05:18:00.002+08:00

fuckcrap. fuckfuckCRAP.
yea, that is what you see on my msn, on my fbook.

i feel SO MACAM CIBAI now.

cibai, cibai, cibai.

sial.

fifteen.

2008-11-20T03:13:00.003+08:00

let us leave tone3 hoping behind for a bit. i need some decent sleep. well, at least for de next fourteen nights i have to supply work with. fuck crap.

and i smell a scent from de finished lingering. FUCKFUCKCRAP.

God, save me and please let de days feel shorter!!!

i cant have twointruders now! kenapa selalu macam gini ni?!

TONY!!! where are you?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay, fine. i know where. boring.
bingit. gua bingit!!!

f i f t e e n. cibai.

CVS in PVG.

2008-11-20T02:09:00.007+08:00

you wrote me a mail. nectarous, it touched.

what did you hear me say?
hey, what did you hear me say?
you intertwined me.

we professed an affinity.
you took de head.

i cannot feel de breeze.
i cannot smell de sea.
i cannot see de star.

has my CVS gone off-track and fallen between de cracks of PVG?

what did you hear me say?
hey, what did you hear me say?
you intertwined me.
what did you just say?

seven sleep.

2008-11-19T05:29:00.000+08:00

again- why arent de seven of you asleep..? strange hour to snoop.

sixteen.

2008-11-19T04:58:00.011+08:00

today on mc, two days off after. fuckfuckfuck. boredom strikes; round 2.

met liyana nottie earlier... for fuck's sake, that bitch knows me too well. especially when it comes to de male domain.

speaking with her actually helped me ascertain my walk.

anyhow, i am so h-a-p-p-y tony called. de fucked up connection aside. happy, okay.

but i am still pissed off tau, na. i could hear him so clearly yet that bloody italian line must have purposely been a bitch. just like how that italian machine lady kept saying 'stop calling, bitch!' in that foreign language[hehh.] while he was in beijing. macam sial. skali pakat ngan china nye network ehh. pala pantat. GUA BINGIIIIIT.

i shall breathe, and keep comforting myself with my own theory of how short de wait is. basket.

*kau jangan ketawa eh, liyana nottie.*

anyway, intruder wants to meet later today. was supposed to just be thursday. eager beaver. dua-dua hari off aku, nak belot[is that even de word to use for 'grab'??? sounds good to me tho.].

cibai, i am still at sixteen.

sleep.

2008-11-18T02:53:00.001+08:00

correction- eight.

SLEEP, people!!! no work tomorrow uh?
i have mine in 4hours and my wake up call is due in less than 2hours.

night!

name.

2008-11-18T02:47:00.001+08:00

okay, just for de record- his name is not tony. but he is simply MY TONY.
geddit, geddit?
ahhahahahhah.

da, tido laa! [to de five online reading now.]

two more weekends.

2008-11-18T02:24:00.008+08:00

-i can not sleep and de cats downstairs are too noisy trying to mate-

twomoreweekends and i dont think i will be able to sleep through de nights.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!

amidst de excitement/anticipation, we have an intruder.
shit.

dearintruder, please do not make me think so much and talk me into bailing out on Him and go to paradise with you instead.
if only we met earlier. if only.
hmmmmmmmmm. *quit thinking about it!!!*

two grmns asked to meet when i am there [why is everyone working in shanghai?!]. err. shit. plenty of time, yes. since He will be swamped with work. but... it is not fair.
hmmmmmmmmm.
o-u-t.
will just meet my itln. *heeheeheeeeeeeeeee*

one thing for sure- adrenalineRUSH when i picture my tony waiting at de arrival hall!

déjà vu.

2008-11-12T02:12:00.006+08:00

-this is like a broken record but i will do you idiots a favour-

just so you know, i am not gonna give a shit to what anyone has got to say. i never have, anyway. hahh. hate tagging? bring it. oh, will be a great honour if you manage to in de first place cos my board is already armed with pest-guard.

screw what workmates have gotta say too. it-is-su*ffo*ca*tiiing!!

pea-poll, spare me de SPG parrot-talk. we all know better i will never stoop to your level. i dont have to, darling. pfft.

this scuttlebutt episode is such a legend. i am soo honoured. hee.

my countdown thingy is my bestfriend now.

ticktockticktockticktockticktock.

déjà vu. totally [friends / ol' time readers- alex barker *ring a bell?* hahhha.]. only surpassing this time round. truly.

call me a crackpot, who gives a shit?! hahahhahah. but yea- crazy.

oh well, if i dont go, i wouldnt know.

plus, no one else can be a better judge but me.

aku excited, tau!!! ahahahahahhah.

bye, cibai!

all paid for.

2008-11-11T03:47:00.006+08:00

all paid for; confirmed.

de countdown begins, honey...

twenty-five.

sorry.

2008-10-24T02:30:00.000+08:00

ah cai, i am so sorry about this morning. i should have known, that mc, was meant for me.
urgh.

nobody.

2008-10-19T00:43:00.001+08:00

nobody knows it but me.

and God.

confusion.

2008-10-16T02:21:00.002+08:00

we have said our piece.
your confusion is my certainty.
my actions are your lead.

where do we go from here?
from de initial note, there was not a bait for me.
you speak of possibilities that bears no ignorance.
you spoke of it before, you spoke of it minutes ago.
you speak of it.
could it be true?

i do not want it.
i do not want to see it.
i do not want to feel it.

irony as it be, i do.

distractions- they get me going.
but like you feel and know, that[your] meter is at '100'.
though yours is not of my own.

seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months peak.
they read you and me.
when till?

time being is perfect.
plays my life story by fit.
tomorrow is anticipation.
'my favorite game' is exhiliration.
come what may, i have my mind at my advantage.

your self is my foresight.
but can never be mine.
i can never explain myself or answer to anyone.

my emotions are reserved.
our emotions are reserved.

mini plans are on de way.
stay tuned.

leftovers.

2008-10-07T21:32:00.006+08:00

candles lit, lights dimmed.

spick and span.

time and place.

ticktockticktock.

laughters on de rollercoasters.

again and again.

leftovers. still.

worldenvelope.

2008-09-27T01:58:00.003+08:00

can i meet tomorrow?

w/out de world envelope.

please.

the hardest thing.

2008-09-25T03:40:00.009+08:00

thehardestthing.

i swear we know it is gonna come.

i do not want to wait.

but we shall see.

i have got to.

we have got to.

when?

2008-09-23T02:49:00.001+08:00

frustrations aside, de yearn is heating up.

mystery, until when?

*no fruits applicable*

stop.

2008-09-23T02:43:00.001+08:00

can you people quit talking already?!

i am really getting annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gear one and a half.

2008-09-22T03:35:00.006+08:00

hmmm. we have gone half past gear one. but God knows my frustration behind all these.
it is very complex now that de peacock is initiating de forbidden yet fault is all of de eagle's. de heat is on. de chickens are clucking, but, they do not have de freakin guts. what happens in de secret nest is such a mystery that no one- neither of us either- has any right for realtime broadcast. tho so, we will upkeep de entertainment for de masses. my honour; literally. with time and effort made for. hawk-hawk-hawk. watch your back.

aaanyway, i am so excited for orhan to get back!!! we have so many plans!!! but then again, hopefully it will be a tuesday flight so we will then have more time. and 'rest', of course. i cant wait to see my birthday gift from istanbul. *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!*
video call friday night[okay, more like monday morning] lasted an hour after hours texting on msn and i only got to sleep at 0630hrs. was all nice tho. got me sleeping smirking.

french banker mister simo text me last night again. wait for updates horr.

i am playing my games very slow this time. sit and watch, brudder.

yesyesssssssssss..................................

happy 21st, nurul jannah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this was your 3rd/4th/5th birthday??

u'uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllllllllllll.....................

gear one.

2008-09-19T04:30:00.005+08:00

and when i thought it would just be

we have park-geared ONE.

arrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
hee.

day one.

2008-09-04T00:36:00.003+08:00

i thought three days was gonna be chicken feet.

pfft.

rabak, okay!

it is different now from then. somehow.

apple was right.

filzah was right.

shit!

but not so bad la.

today was day one, we talked a lot. de calls kept coming in.

and it has become a clearer picture to some.

i hope i can survive tomorrow!!!

apple cannot take it either.

but practice is good.

under this circumstance.

hahahahhahah.

it has been four days consecutively and we have been enjoying it.

i miss apple!!!!!!!!!

thrill.

2008-09-01T02:26:00.003+08:00

apple, apple...
you really shocked me. but i like.....

it has gotten official.

;)

another explicit thrill.
i am excited! i cannot wait!
this is waaay better than de one before.
so dangerous!!!
heeheehee.
and they are gonna start to talk.
well, i do not care.

apple, apple.....................................
*sighs and smiles like a fucker.*

turkish is coming back 0909.
another on my list.

woohoo.

i miss aqil.

2008-08-29T03:05:00.006+08:00

i miss aqiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil!!!!!!!!!!!!!

malays.

2008-08-27T18:01:00.001+08:00

as posted on friendster's bulletin:

i strongly feel malay people[esp girls] should get a life.
like, seriously.

get a life, find your own personality and watch your own underpants.
it is getting too suffocating. not to mention- disgusting.

and please, perfect/proper english does not equate to a slang; british/american accent.

work.

2008-08-27T03:57:00.006+08:00

stop complaining about how 'informative' my updates have been.

there is too much to say yet too little energy. haahha. aiya. some things are just meant to be kept to self, la uh. yes, this is a blog. i should rant.
well darlin, as it is literally- MY blog.

oh, oh, oh. at this hour, i just wanna say............................................

i love my job la, sialll!

really, i do. and i am very glad that there is just me, for now.

room for another- in time. just not now.

work is taking up too much of my time for me to think of de option.

okay, okay, fine. when i am AT work, de thoughts come and go when i SEE reasons.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaahhahhahah.

i repeat:

i love my job la, sialllllllllll!

***i am thinking, turkish. hee. for a long time coming.***

settle.

2008-08-26T02:10:00.000+08:00

i might just settle for de unexpected.

i might just.

miss.

2008-08-20T03:30:00.001+08:00

lies made semblant of truth-
i miss you.

freya.

2008-08-12T22:56:00.005+08:00

my call out to Freya.

reflection has one mutilated.

de signs read no comprehension.

hideout so hollow

hey incubi- you are so fuckin glacial

where does one duck

ultra poison arrows leaves one no spell shot

how shall one inspire

dear succubi

bring one devotion

awful choice for source

one has a bloody exit too many

oh well, twice by emotion's count; triggered an army

adrenalinerush

heartpound

endlessbeam

premonitioniskillingme

Freya, spellshower.

myplead.

front.

2008-07-18T01:09:00.002+08:00

"you sit in front, darling."

;)

i have said before- "fuckin hell, i still do."
just watch. me. us. i bet you still wonder who. hee.

shoop shoop.

2008-07-16T01:39:00.006+08:00

been way caught up with things lately.
shiela's wedding, new job, family, aqil, verygoodfriends and bf.

i have looooads of pictures to do de talking but... de file sizes are too big, i am giving up before even trying. soon, maybe, la uh.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

de clouds whispered.
my apologies.
de branch got de best of me.
get de clouds to start screaming me off that livingthing.
and present me with your term-

next term round,
i shall wait for my coffee to cool.
leave some for Hesit.
and grab one more for Consid.

next term round,
i shall wait for de sun to set.
let de owls hoot.
wish a bit upon de deaf stars.

next term round,
i shall wait for de leaves of Autumn.
admire de beauty it surprises.
and sweep up all de love.

only then, i wont make it late.

so then has come.

prettyboy-ed.

2008-06-25T18:17:00.002+08:00

i am... prettyboy-ed.
shit.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahah.

*wink x 10, 000*

anita.

2008-06-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

ANITA O. HEAVRIN, just scroll down to see de photos.

memory lane.

2008-06-24T18:45:00.012+08:00

saturday, liyana brought me down memory lane of '07 la, hell!
i do not know if people who popped by here, then, can recall seeing de photos. i will show some, anyway.
it is not easy to really enjoy yourself on a parrrty night, no? company is very important. not that i have ever mind who i go with any other time but those close would know my parrrty regime that i hold so dear.
anyone/alone, last minute, and de little extras. heeheeheeheeeeee.

so anyhow, partying with liyana is super fun, okay. a little alcohol, and a few tequila shots and a few more vodka shots and just herself is e-nough.

glad i had another dose past two saturdays. ;)

nah, see;

mister ryzan rex runner.

mister 'this-is-why-i'm-hot'. urgh. satu bulan aku ke-rimas-an dengan ni anak.

and de afternoon after, liyana was convincingly promoting de prior. hahh. duadua boleh pegi mati.

tomorrow is.....................................

WEDNESDAY!!!!!

but hell, i have a lot of reading up to for for thursday morning's interview. and i have another one in de afternoon, some more. hmph. i can still party but have an early night, kan, kan, kan???
hahahhahahha. woohoo.

bye cibai.

weekend.

2008-06-24T03:03:00.005+08:00

aqil is de BEST BOY in de whole entire world!!!

i will be crapping if i said universe. heh. past weekend well spent. got to squeeze time for johore with mom also. nice.

yes, yasseen grew that much.

aqiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill....................

besides.

2008-06-21T23:43:00.008+08:00

besides all these, to those who have been close lately, M.O still tops[yes, finally, i am going public on him- with photos some more].

*shrugs*

i have no clue, why.

aku kene palepale kee? hahhaha.
what crap.

...and azrin is still de best. i swear. *wink, wink, wink*
azriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinn.....!

UPdate.

2008-06-21T21:59:00.015+08:00

quick UPdate-

i quit far east. i am gonna miss sri alot! but she has been calling me almost every night and we have been talking like lovers. two hours plus, okay! so wont miss so much laa. right, sriiii?

i have been sleeping at 0700plus hours every freakin day.

i stayed up to busybody-busybody on de whole singapore's friendster profiles.

i made a whole load of effort to find and change my bloody friendster and blog layouts and songs. cibai. they still look like cibai.

i have been up[and late for my appointments] watching...

yes..! mind your language.
aku tak boleh tahan. kekek gila babi la.

i have watched it during my primary school and pre juvenile days but re-runs are superb laa!

hmmm.

me and M.O, totally finito.

me and sheikh kotek shakie, gua da malas.

me and supper[no photos, for him]... ayyy... there is still room for improvement. he has been in touch alot now since de last time he turned me off.

that budak kecik tak cute langsung tu has been FUUUCKIN annoying de hell out of me!!!

he will NEVER get it, i swear to God!!!

i bumped into polo last night and he complained about how much he has been tryg to get to me since i didnt update him on my new number- again. so he is game on bringing me out for drinks some time next week. tengok la macam mana. but he is damn cute la, fuuck. chinese some more. aaaahh!! hahaha.

i have gone for three job interviews but only one seems like a good one. i hope peter calls come monday. and i am FREAKIN HELL EXCITED la for my by-personal-invite-only interview this 26th[thursday]. anna actually mailed me personally to register for de time slot!

i am sooo bloody excited, okay. and of course, bloody shocked still. i gotta remember to research and read up siak.

i have been spending a lot of time with naddie nowadays. :)

sleepovers, beach, babies-days out, TEHs and party.

yati's birthday was well spent. we went on de combo rides[like FINALLY for me!]. oh, we got a free ride after while waiting for our
video to be ready. de swing-twice. that is de better of de two. gila babi, okay, adrenaline rush.

yesyes! thank you, raihan... :)

oh, before that, came nad's birthday. we went for barbecue at NUSS and latenightmovie after.

i finally met up with sweety[sha]. i miss de old times! wished baby[eyn] could have come. i love you girls.

i met ana too... went to her place and bumped into her de next day at arab st. not enough meh?? though both meets were brief, we took de opportunity to update, update and bitch- just a bit!

it felt good, considering we have not seen each other since what, march?

last but not de least...........................................

i BUMPED into liyana laaa. babi, dia. MIA, pastu nampak pat MOS on de same freakin day! and yan was there too! double surprise. aku miss korang!!!

not forgetting, aku da asik party ngan si farid je tau. two nights in a row -with farid- da macam norm gitu. apa nak jadi ni???

that is it la. so much for a quick update. i still missed out on a few. urgh.

i need to rush to mom's NOW. my hott ass bf is waiting. kesian dia.

no time.

2008-06-21T05:41:00.007+08:00

read me de book, pat me de warmth, put me to sleep.
i hum to de tune of your serenades.
i bathe in de wealth of your embrace.
what has become.

sucked de living hell out of me.
i breathe, still.
hold your horses- i am just beginning.
i turn de dial backwards sometimes.

fuck, you got me.
there.
where we prettied de sheets and showered de children of Sun.
never will i run to you.
never will i run to them.
never will i run to dependance.
my caliber is of self-sufficient substance.
so fuck de world and what it screams.
de cries, behold.
i will sing with you.

please remote me.
for i have no time to spare anyone.

rimas.

2008-06-18T17:41:00.000+08:00

i feel very... RIMAS.

fake.

2008-05-30T01:27:00.003+08:00

i try, time and time again to be nice to girls so we can become friends.

it is only wise.

friends that i can hang out with when they call for it.

i hate de fact that they always end up with this 'sour grapes' attitude.

like, wtf?! i just think you should be happy for whatever luck/happiness/joy for your friends. well, whoever, for that matter. right, right, right? it is only right, what.

i am very agitated already, okay!

i can only trust yati and nad for any sincere circumstances. any.

de rest, past or present, come and go friends are all fake siak. RIMAS!!!

then when i dont talk or try to keep my distance, you girls think aku ngada-ngada. how de hell am i not supposed to when you people just end up being fuckin annoying 'sour grapes'? after that, piss yourself off with it.

so, dont blame me when you yourself busuk hati, okay.

just- STAY AWAY.

i have plenty in hand for pleasure. i am not harding up for any more.

urgh.

difficult.

2008-05-25T16:05:00.003+08:00

"never let someone be a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs..."

i got this tagline off ungku's page on whosgoing. i just love it, okay.

this has been de reason why i have always been so difficult!

i dont want to be made a choice of two[or more].
i dont to be made an option.

i want to be wanted. enough said.

so girls, get what i mean and quit saying i am difficult!

still.

2008-05-25T07:54:00.003+08:00

fuckin hell, i still do.

not fair.

2008-05-24T23:50:00.004+08:00

i refuse comprehension of all that has happened.

and i mean- all.

i just do not think it is fair.

maybe best is to play de game; my way.

hang on tight, suckers.

breathewithme.

2008-05-20T02:32:00.003+08:00

when will de interactive movie end?
i have no more drive to watch.
i am getting tired of participation.

i had a notion of a rewind.
or maybe just stop this run and resume the old one.

can someone just drown me.
i cannot kill myself.

my envy lies with them.
make me blind.
for i am not numb- yet.
never, i reckon.

just breathe with me, dear mystery.
breathe...

2008-05-14T02:02:00.003+08:00

well, well.

sometimes i wonder why de hell everyf*ckingone thinks you are so nice and perfect.

God, help YOU!

it was good.

we met. we dreamed. we went home.

i always felt home has nothing luring.

surprise, surprise.

home is de shieet laa!

i pity you. and those in that cloud with you.

funny- i actually think he was de better one of you both.

such similar twofaces with varying eyes.

too familiar scents with slight hints.

i am just so glad i went home twice; from meeting him, and after, you.

i am not going out just as yet.

another year or so, like after him.

i will sit at home, enjoy my front and back seat rides with m.o.

plus de other few counts of dickheads.

m.o

2008-05-12T03:06:00.002+08:00

m.o,
i will walk hand in hand with time.
i will walk hand in hand with you.

we will walk hand in hand, to tomorrow.

withdrawn.

2008-04-16T11:23:00.001+08:00

response, to yours.

it is such a shame.
you swear by their game.
intrude our felicity, single's error is guilt.
surprise, surprise.
you legit dogma.

it is such a shame.
we swear by your game.

one shall let embrace de prior.
of a covenant for aftertime-
withdrawn.

blogthis.

2008-02-19T11:09:00.009+08:00

of course, people, you need to get this in your heads;

Your Mexican Name Is...

Doña Michelle

What's" Your Mexican Name?

hahah! this is funny;

Your 1920's Name is:

Clarabelle Tessie

What's" Your 1920's Name?

if monster macy is a charactor altogether, i can be...

Your Monster Profile

Twisted Dictator

You Feast On: Beer

You Lurk Around In: The Empire State Building

You Especially Like to Torment: Hairdressers

What's" Your Monster Name?

waaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahahaah!

ni macam gerek;

Your Pirate Name Is...

Lord Bessie Backstabber

What's" Your Pirate Name?

if hardee is...

Your Rockstar Name Is...

Mister Leather

What's" Your Rockstar Name?

i can be...

Your Rockstar Name Is...

Loca Firecrotch

What's" Your Rockstar Name?

waahahahhahahahhahahaaa!

this is a whole loadda 'woohoo'! *looks down*

Your Penis Name Is...

100% All-Beef Thermometer

Penis'>http://www.blogthings.com/penisnamegenerator/">Penis Name Generator

right on, hardee!

when...

Your Italian Name Is...

Quorra De Luca

What's" Your Italian Name?

trains her man to being a mafia he becomes...

Your Italian Name Is...

Zanebono Greco

What's" Your Italian Name?

nicenice.

and when hardee ultimately loses his mind, he shall be...

Your Drag Queen Name Is:

Notorious F.A.G.

Drag'>http://www.blogthings.com/dragqueennamegenerator/">Drag Queen Name Generator

hardee, your redtoy should have you in it;

Your Wrestler Name Is...

Abdullah Power Ranger

What's" Your Wrestler Name?

and me. hee.

Your Wrestler Name Is...

Baby Doll Tomcat

What's" Your Wrestler Name?

and these are... entah laa.

Your Birthdate: October 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.

Your strength: Your likeability

Your weakness: You never feel satisfied

Your power color: Bright yellow

Your power symbol: Asterisk

Your power month: May

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

What Sharifah Yazseerah Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.
You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.
But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

dear hardee, we are almost alike;

What Harmi Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

okay, bye!

***many apologies for de posting glitches. cant be bothered to amend.***

...

2008-02-14T12:47:00.000+08:00

iwishiknewmore.

red toy.

2008-01-30T11:29:00.000+08:00

so this was it...

shock bedek, okay. padahal, belum bukak. hahha.

like a win from a draw.

a new red toy for my darling.

excited.

2008-01-29T09:37:00.000+08:00

aku excited gila.

forget de MKs.

we shall get a pair.

;)

dinner.

2008-01-28T13:18:00.001+08:00

you, missy, have got to get used to it.
cos it is gonna haunt you our entire lives!

feel.

2008-01-07T10:41:00.001+08:00

our dance, i love.

fill me up.

you made me a drunkard.

my soul shall refuse therapy.

my shivers will last us our lifetime.

"only God can explain."

i second you.
that feeling.

burn.
all time.

thank you, dear found mystery.

bye 2007.

2007-12-31T11:13:00.000+08:00

so...

i had de best weekend of 2007.

a great closure with bf.

more photo updates of de stay, de gig and de company come wednesday.
with new year ones as well la eh.

this year was not too bad... i had a great ~~fair~~ share of fun and laughter.

many thanks to my wonderful, wonderful babes.

and friends.

and family.

and God.

tops de list- having met bf; harmi.

hate taggings are for those who are misery-ridden.

poor twits.

better lives, next year on? hah.

party on, people!
oh, and make wild, sweet love. [i bet even this is gonna be bitched about!]
hahahhaha.

laters.

tickets.

2007-12-27T18:13:00.000+08:00

this is for de mister.

to catch this ones!!!

woohoo!!! seventh march, we will see you then!

malay men.

2007-12-26T19:35:00.000+08:00

here it is.

you people can start bitching like you always do. i do not care. for i have found love in a malay man.

yes, i have been dissing de subject since forever. even before this blog came about.

truth be told, de longing to find a great malay man with dignity and passion has been around for quite awhile.

and i am lucky. to have met one who meets my needs.

you can settle for a typical, cheating, good-for-nothing malay for all i care. i will still diss.

just mine is an exception. and a few good ones, also.

face it- it is not easy being with a malay man nowadays. they know nothing but cheat, lie, deceive and not be reliable. they do not see de need to not settle for mediocre or less when de future is concerned.

my perception remains still, even by sharing my life with him.

malay men are shit.

i just made an exception this time, with him.

:)

harmi.

2007-12-19T15:47:00.000+08:00

need not say more.

kesukaan.

2007-12-14T12:22:00.000+08:00

aku kesukaan. kau?

*heeheehee*

happy.

2007-12-13T15:36:00.000+08:00

i am in like.

smile for me, please.

thank you.

heehee.

party.

2007-11-26T19:51:00.001+08:00

oh well, past two weekends have been great. a constant party clique for three occassions.

ironic, de boys and i end up knowing. after countless encounters in ministry.

and this friday, we are on a fuckin road trip to parrrtay, baybeeeh!

dinner and dance.

2007-11-15T18:14:00.000+08:00

i am soo excited for tomorrow's date!
de date, by subject, i mean.
chinese male, sooo cute!
he is in one of these...

figured yet..?

;)

raya 2007.

2007-10-16T11:07:00.000+08:00

so yeah, this was my raya 2007.

almost complete; family. but i wished mamu sani was there.

oh, it was syasya[sisterinlaw]'s first raya with us. was nice.

ikea mirrors.

2007-10-16T09:51:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i wonder why people talk so much cock and not bloody look at themselves in de mirror.
bloody hell, give me a break lor.
you fuckin have a bloody attitude problem and cant deal with it.
you fuckin have a bloody screwed up mat/minah lifestyle and cant manage it.
you fuckin have a bloody insecurity problem and cant let it go.

yes, yes. you are not perfect. however you insist that you know it is true, we all know you still think you are perfect. you are not right on all your perceptions.
just because you are plain dumb.
dumb, dumb, dumb.

need me to get you a huge mirror from ikea?
i dont mind, considering it will get you to shut up eventually.

i mean, i dare confess i am a bitch. but only when situation calls for it.
and fine, at times, when i just think de subject doesnt deserve my respect.

so there.

WAKE UP!!!!!

29september.

2007-10-01T12:32:00.000+08:00

finally.

de meet up with my busuk and de partyparty with cousin babe.

plus de chop chop de night before.

yes, i did... again, after 3 years.

*oh yes, it was de 29th september, khairuddin, de ex boyfriend, turned 25 that day. ah.*

2007-09-20T17:49:00.000+08:00

off.

2007-09-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

now, now.
the day is almost here lor!!!

pack tonight[i'm still at my desk], get excited for a few more hours and i'm OFF!

will be back with photos.

;)

for sweetie from sweetheart.

2007-07-17T17:25:00.001+08:00

yes, i removed de text.

boy.

2007-07-05T08:11:00.000+08:00

i might be wrong.
i might have to go.
i might have to apologise.
i might be late.

boy, i really dont know.

text message.

2007-06-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

text message special tone.

"i'm coming..!"

:) :) :)

miss miss.

2007-06-20T02:36:00.000+08:00

you bringing me back..?
i hope.

and i have de rest of de morning still.
faster!!! run already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and dearest mommy, i miss you!!!!!

back and maybe.

2007-06-20T01:54:00.000+08:00

it has been a month, i reckon, that this blogspot has been stagnant and taken off it's origin.
there are too many to update on so i shall let friendster do de talking.
hereon now, this is all i want to offer[heeheehee!] :

hate tag me.

2007-05-04T14:43:00.000+08:00

***hate tag alert***

please continue amusing us/ me.
:)

i am waiting.
cos it has been quite awhile and i need bozos to crack me up.

laters..!

day one.

2007-04-30T03:24:00.000+08:00

day.one : seems okay. two is anticipation. see i shall.

my girls.

2007-04-27T17:55:00.000+08:00

my days are blessed with having my girls.

new.

2007-04-27T17:26:00.000+08:00

i want to see my rainbow again.
with mister mystery waiting with his pot for me.

literally, i am sick of meeting idiots, morons, fools you people call men.
no kidding.
and no, i have not de slightest intension of turning gay, for that matter.
i still want hard dicks.
okay, fine. blame it on de partying. but what am i to do..?
i do not linger around liat/ town, checking out mats[okay, just a little. hahahh!].
nor do i give a twitch about them pea-brainers when clearly i need to spend quality time with my babes/ cousins/ ol' time friends.
and when i finally get to meeting some, it would be at ministry/ dblo, they would either be a friend's friend or someone i have seen too many a time at Godknowseverywhere!
here is de deal.
as socially active i have been, i am always ngada-ngada[yes, i admit!].
and i will only talk to friends of my friends' or those i fancy.
someone out of randomness will never be entertained.
therefore, de men i meet will always be in network with one of de many circles i have.
at times, it is good. but i have come to realise, it is such a sucky thing[to a certain extent].
i need to meet someone new.
like, out of de oven.
i shall keep on getting wasted till de cows come home.

urgh.

whoever.

2007-04-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

shield me from your menace.
or just go.

**************************

rain, lightning, thunder, storm.
take that sheet and protect.
arm with you.
whoever you are.

open.

2007-04-17T16:49:00.000+08:00

i have it shut.
open for me, please.

maybe.

2007-04-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

i am quite a happy girl today.
i have got one[out of many] ball rolling.
plus, de blood is getting younger, i think.
good idea, you reckon..?

heeheehee.
maybe. maybe not.

laters!