iamsoh appycosij ustgotmyse lfajob
andia msoclo setomyl ovelybabes.

thatme ans, iamsupe rfarfrom home.
heh. wha tdehe ll. does ntmatter.

kin dagoo djob, fairlywe llpaying.
fors omelack la. igas.

happyhappyhappy.















okay, this is an early-year picture. who cares?

at noon.














by evening...

waiting for 'manja' at de trendy wanker housing estate[being tampines], drove us to this. i gas it is just de tampines air la uh..?









and i miss them so.

you say you want to walk your dog.
but de sky is a bit dark.
cant you just open de door and let it out?
f*uckers can never change.














dont blame me for walking away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------


at times, i would hope to meet someone nice and all.
but when i think of all de trash boys/ men have up their sleeves, i think not.
of course, i am envious of those happy twits, hand in hand. but there are more to what lies beyond those 'pretty sights'. that is what scares me. i had too many a 'pretty sight' happen once upon a tale. and i even fell for my own misfortune. hahah. misfortune. what a way to see it as. but yeah. it happened. and i do not wish to have it happen again. knowing by fact that infidelities HAVE BEEN happening behind closed doors[nothing explicit, okay. ANYthing can happen; texting/calling another girl, another internet service account, etc.], i pity these babes. it is outright betrayal. betrayal of trust, understanding and love. in everyevery sense.

whatever it is, one day.
i hope. yet reluctant.

27112006, 1552hrs.
our coffee is getting cold.
where do you want to go..?
my convictions have run out.
i am waiting for yours.
your smiles become faint.
tell me what is wrong.
i dont wanna sit here, watching and think all is okay.

de train is approaching.
where do you want to go..?
a funfair of joyrides or fiddlydee will do?
i dont wish to simper. anymore.
i dont wanna sit here, watching and think all is okay.

you sink into clouds.
you inflame a Camel.
you watch me watch.
you beam de world and blew your trumpet.
mystery, i wish it was.



27112006, 0638hrs
my lips are numb of such words.
feels forever or so. it hurts.
your hair is growing, dont you know?
my pistol is filthy. hike de death toll.
my eyes are sore of such sights.
you never note de what's-insides.
de soots of what-holds are unnerving.
please dont tell me you are Fancy.
my arms tire of reaching out.
de doll has piled too much dust.
cobwebs are harmful, havent you heard?
she will spin you around.
up high on life.
walk on me, run on you.
f*ck that glue.

alrightey, this is de first.

i figured after all that picture postings and stuff, i ought to complement this page with an update.
maybe not full on... but adequate. an update since de much resentful 15mths i spent in a nutshell.

for a start, i am glad i managed to leave din after all that drama. after all those months of endless drama. drama, drama, drama. i am glad i woke up. if not, i wouldnt be as happy as i am now.
leaving din and letting go of hope brought me back to life. de life i left may05. i cannot deny, my babes are de best anyone could ever ask for. lucky me, i have them still after a broken thread. they filled my days pretty well.
okay, let me give them some credit here;
yati, naddie, shiela, anna, shereen, farah, syiqs, cousin nainie, coreen, atiqah and nureen.
did i miss out on anyone..? doubt so.

every day is fresh. countless meet-ups at liat[always be], jurong, a&a, tampines, bussorah st, bugis, mos, everywhere lah!
boys come and go. and in some cases, come back. hahahha. but why stay..? none are of worth. after being with din, i become more picky than i was. nothing bad, on my part i think. cos it only makes me a more prudent person. and certain. i know what i want. at least, for sure, i know i wont end up being with someone with de likes of din. urgh. i dont understand them, men. or boys, for that matter. they never cease to confuse me lei. AND, they are f*ucking irritating lor! okay, some. jokes are meant to be f-u-n-n-y, not annoying. conversations are meant to be... erm... interesting[?], not agonising. and i am not a rude person. i hate having to say something just to shut them off so i can eventually hang up. in which, i am becoming a pro at now. what does that imply, gurls..? that i have been meeting de so wrong people lor! aaahh! so annoying, i tell you. i am just jinxed when it comes to them or wat lei..? i am getting super sluggish at de thought of men/ boys/ whatever. right now, i literally cant be bothered to please. call me whatever, i dont care. i am just drained of efforts with regard to boys.
boys ask you out but they dont wanna pay, come up with nonsensical annoyance that just ruins your day and asks you to be de gf by de second date OR by de end of de first date. hahahhahahahh. rubbish. but yeah. it happens. when you end up dating a malay boy.
men ask you out and they pay. but at times, they are ignorant, too busy with work[men mah. must think of making and saving money] and dress funny[somehow].

hmmm. these leaves us gurls, such as i, in pure boredom. with both boys and men.

anyhoots, clubbing has been a... bliss..? hahha. yes, maybe it has been a bit too much. especially when i have not been working and all. but i dont know... wednesdays at mos are tempting... so is thursday... and so is friday!!! liddat, how..?? and i dont know why, i love mos. ;)
drinking has been, also, a perfeeect bliss. i can hold my liquor better now. right, babes..? hahhahahahhaha. really what. i love my tequila shots. mexican mah. hahahhaha. woohooo! i like.
brownie points for atiqah, who got me to drinking beer[i hated beer. it stinks and tastes like shieet]. with de help of red bull, of course. hahahha.

i love de fact that i can meet just about anyone now. my gfs, my cousins, my exclassmates, ol' time sidekicks... anyone, anytime. i was super happy my previous sunday was great. i met up with my exclassmates, den a gf who is an exschoolmate[syiqs la], den my 'kaki' from school, den my gf[farah], her bf[fly] and their fren[maffiz] for coffee and poker at liat. :) :) :) best, kan..?? so free!

that sunday night as well, i bumped into a cousin i was very close to when young. we talked for a bit and exchanged numbers. i am glad we did. and pleasantly surprised he said he really hope to meet up soon. cos it has been awhile and i gas it is time for us cousins to get close. i have always been close to nainie[or baby, as some of you know her by]... and quite recently, to her brother, apit. and on that same night, i met up with apit to give him my helmet that i got when i was with din. since he just got himself a runner for his birthday, i gas-ed he would wanna have a full-faced. and i was getting rid of it anyways. i dont wanna have anything much of din left in my room. but in my closet is fine. hhahahha. aiya, only one lumber jacket mah. going on about cousins......... den i got him to bring us to yishun dam to just hang out for abit and talkcock. and as to everyone else, i sang him de 'seri' song in my oh-so-awie voice. hahhahahha. and he recorded it, okay! he must have thought i sounded great. hahahhahahahhahahhah! feels kinda good to have bumped into him a few times at mos recently. and... i cant wait for next thursday! cousins, cousins... i love my cousins... and to meet cousin hidayat soon..! hopefully with nurul one day... she's too occupied with school and darling bf mah. ain, wanna join de club yet..? hahhaha.

my brother yusoff is getting married soon. two more weeks, to be exact. i am happy for him. after years of courtship. finally. for syasya too. :) may de best be for you. my gfs are getting engaged too. next year, tho... and i have a fren's wedding to attend next weekend. and boy-manja's sister's this weekend. everyone is getting hooked up! hmmm.

brother yasseen is growing up to be a fairly great boy. just a bit kental. in a funny way. haahhaha. we all were, werent we..? i cant wait for him to get into a secondary school, finish it, and go dancedance with us. hahhahha. that cacing! tomorrow, he is gonna get his psle results. i hope he does well enough to not end up in a shitty malay-infested school.

i love my late nights, hang outs, cangoanywhere-s and all.

i am excited about tonight. me, syiqs and her gfs, and possibly yati, are gonna club hop from eleven. so fffun! something different for my wednesday night this week. besides just mos. but i will end my night there anyways. hahha. dunno what to wear lei.

oh yah, people from de past, i am really gay that you still remember and wanna keep in touch. :) :) :)



my days are modestly, tickled pink. thank you all who have contributed. i praise and apprize your existence in my less than run-of-de-mill life.


love, me.








18112006.

nezam and me go waaay back in uniforms; both school and work. i miss uniforms lei! and both our juvenile nonsense. hahahha!

and khairi, de one in green, is my long-term exschoolmate; both primary and secondary.

and before that, a meet-up makanmakan with exclassmates. best, kan..? so free!
19112006.

i dont get why de male beings are simply an agony.
they are just idiots i can do without.
if all i meet are f*ucked ones.
rather not meet any.
anymore.
really.

de tiger of changi.

it was a dream she never woke up from.
filled with hotchilli nails, $12.90s, bleach, carpets, getaways, jasmines, blooms,beef bacons and sorts.
too perfect for a flaw. rewindrewindrewind.
it was a dream.

storms came with no warnings.
too loud, too noisy, too hurtful.
never do i see an end.
run, may i..?
to a wonderland like alice's.
since de unicorn had life to its name.
i gas it has not been showered. with de likes of joy. and stuff.
but till when?
it is still raining.
too heavy, too long, too disturbing.
de comparison of red and white will go on as usual, pleasing her heart.
evrything, everyone is nuts.
tables are turning.
lights are flickering.
bulbs soon blow.
de petals of tomorrow are already here.
de boards show them all.
saorry, Today, i have to go.
de waters are too murky for my stay.
tho efforts i make are infinitely numbered, Everything never seemed to notice.
i might soon let go.
de grounds are getting shaky, too.
should i..?
it may be best.
for me, you, and us all.
soon, i will.
i will let my vanilla linger.
just in case you remember.
just in case.
when de scent is gone, please forget.
at times, i am anticipating Lord's call.
for my walls are ruined.
















hey mystery. [number two.]
i feel de need to tell,
all de heart i have to ride.
hey mystery, you coming soon..?




hey mystery. [number one.]
i recumbent on my private shoal,
a shoal luxuriant of de serenity i long desire,
deeply i am pensive of de much less mediocrity i succumb to,
my breathing screws its rhythm each time de peak gets too much to handle,
my heart weakens each time de leaves begin to wither,
my body loses its strength each time de carpet bums out its will to fly,
my hands shake each time de tree of us loses its vitality.
05, 11, 13, 19, 29, numbers run and mount.
but what de hell for?
tuesday, wednesday, friday, sunday, monday, days past and age.
but what de hell for?
finish panting and let all flow.
no run, no exhausts.
no past, no desolations.
for all bloom have faded.
for all glow have faded.
for all joy have faded.
my breathing captures its rhythm each time de peak gets too good to miss,
my heart invigorates each time de leaves begin to grow,
my body gains its pow each time de carpet loads up its will to fly,
my hands steady each time de tree of us rejuvenates.
i end my recumbence on my private shoal,
a shoal luxuriant of de serenity i long desire,
deeply i am pensive of de much less mediocrity i had succumbed to.
but from up here, its all gleetzly with glitter.
hey mystery, turn up de heat and we shall have another ride.
:)
Sunday, August 20, 2006 at 19:24

: from friendster blog entry.

thank you, babes.

facebook. friendster. myspace. ann djae. aintutu. liyana nottie. nainie. fasyalba. coreeen. deena. syiqs. eja. anna beatriz. suenapi. ana. huda. nani. laney. noreen rx. yuana. reen. d'ha. dee. lydia. ijal. asriyanti. frosty. hani. fly.



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